On Incivility
My purpose here is not to decry the incivilities that seem to permeate our culture. Indeed, the purpose of this website is, ultimately, to emphasize the possibilities that living the civil life offers. I lay out a set of good practices to bring about a state of civility, of people flourishing in their full humanity.
Yet it seems that the website would be incomplete without some reflection on what is at stake, given the incivilities that too often prevail in our society.
Let us start with the example of trash talk — saying nasty, untrue claims and stories about another in a social setting, often in school. One hateful assertion triggers another, likely more exaggerated and more virulent than the first. Repetition sets in. The perpetrator inveighs with rumor, and sometimes uses power disguised as popularity to get others to join in, all parties except the victim(s) seeming to relish the bullying dynamics.
We have here a slippery slope: one nasty claim, its repetition, exaggeration, repetition, rumor, repetition, in-group thinking, repetition, power plays including recruitment to the cause, repetition. The process snowballs, with nothing good to come from it.
This process has a ring of familiarity because it happens all too frequently.
Incivilities pick up bad, bad company. Name-calling is only the beginning. One incivility invites a second, and so on. If civility represents full humanity — humans on common ground interacting in common cause — then incivility represents inhumanity — humans demeaning other humans, sometimes entire races, stereotyping them, harming them, subjugating them, setting them aside in ghettos, enslaving them, depriving them of their place, torturing them, lynching them, building wealth on their backs, walking them down a trail of tears.
These abhorrences, part of our history, are with us today, remembered and, awful to realize, in some cases, repeated. Think of the subjugation of women as sex slaves. Think of the acrimony surrounding welfare for the impoverished and indigent, for those escaping tyranny and war, and for those seeking a better life.
Can we hope for full humanity in the face of the self-serving behavior of greedy capitalists and entrepreneurs and hedge fund traders, for example? Can we hope for a legislature to govern responsibly, with the citizens’ full humanity in mind, in the face of money-driven elections, powerful lobbies, or radical right-wingers who refuse the very act of legislating that they were elected to do?
These are incivilities writ large, and they are daunting.
Yet in the personal work of civility, in humans being the best they can be, in their full humanity, there is possibility. We have seen again and again how individuals, finding common ground, and interacting together in common cause, can bring about change.
We are fortunate in our country to have a wealth of institutionalized support for civility, listed in the initiatives on the next page. In that sense, we do not have to go it alone.
Civility is an act. It begins with you in the place you are. So begin with a smile. Smiles and direct eye contact are good. Handshakes are good. Getting to know your neighbors is good. Doing-unto-others… is good. Undertaking the civility practices laid out here is good.
Yet it seems that the website would be incomplete without some reflection on what is at stake, given the incivilities that too often prevail in our society.
Let us start with the example of trash talk — saying nasty, untrue claims and stories about another in a social setting, often in school. One hateful assertion triggers another, likely more exaggerated and more virulent than the first. Repetition sets in. The perpetrator inveighs with rumor, and sometimes uses power disguised as popularity to get others to join in, all parties except the victim(s) seeming to relish the bullying dynamics.
We have here a slippery slope: one nasty claim, its repetition, exaggeration, repetition, rumor, repetition, in-group thinking, repetition, power plays including recruitment to the cause, repetition. The process snowballs, with nothing good to come from it.
This process has a ring of familiarity because it happens all too frequently.
Incivilities pick up bad, bad company. Name-calling is only the beginning. One incivility invites a second, and so on. If civility represents full humanity — humans on common ground interacting in common cause — then incivility represents inhumanity — humans demeaning other humans, sometimes entire races, stereotyping them, harming them, subjugating them, setting them aside in ghettos, enslaving them, depriving them of their place, torturing them, lynching them, building wealth on their backs, walking them down a trail of tears.
These abhorrences, part of our history, are with us today, remembered and, awful to realize, in some cases, repeated. Think of the subjugation of women as sex slaves. Think of the acrimony surrounding welfare for the impoverished and indigent, for those escaping tyranny and war, and for those seeking a better life.
Can we hope for full humanity in the face of the self-serving behavior of greedy capitalists and entrepreneurs and hedge fund traders, for example? Can we hope for a legislature to govern responsibly, with the citizens’ full humanity in mind, in the face of money-driven elections, powerful lobbies, or radical right-wingers who refuse the very act of legislating that they were elected to do?
These are incivilities writ large, and they are daunting.
Yet in the personal work of civility, in humans being the best they can be, in their full humanity, there is possibility. We have seen again and again how individuals, finding common ground, and interacting together in common cause, can bring about change.
We are fortunate in our country to have a wealth of institutionalized support for civility, listed in the initiatives on the next page. In that sense, we do not have to go it alone.
Civility is an act. It begins with you in the place you are. So begin with a smile. Smiles and direct eye contact are good. Handshakes are good. Getting to know your neighbors is good. Doing-unto-others… is good. Undertaking the civility practices laid out here is good.